Many years ago, Prince Charming and I frequented a little tavern named “The Village”. It was a plain-Jane bar with plenty of cold beer and fried food. At lunchtime, you could find lots of folks there for sandwiches and tea, and late at night, you would find stumbling drunks trying to dance and show off their pipes with karaoke. The hubs and I were typically Happy Hour clientele popping in for a half price drink or two before heading home after work.
No matter what day of the week I went there, inevitably there were some of the same familiar faces. The owner “knighted” these guys as “Idiots” and even had some tee shirts made for the select few losers. (Get it? Village Idiot…) Remarkably, the “Villagers” (including the Idiots) formed a tight little family. I’ve seen it happen time and time again whenever one was diagnosed with cancer or other illness, money was donated and meals were provided. Bedside vigils were sat. Hands were held and tears were dried. All for a bar pal.
Time passes as time will do. We moved to the other side of town and started a family so I rarely see any of the old Villagers anymore. In fact, they haven’t really crossed my mind until a few weeks ago when Baby came to stay with us. And then a really remarkable thing happened. A whole community of friends and family rallied around this child and his young parents. I was reminded of the old African Proverb “It takes a village to raise a child”.
By the time Baby and I arrived home, my friend Bebe (the baby’s grandmother), her daughter Jo, her son-in-law Z (the baby’s parents) and family friend Roxanne were already here with bassinet, piles of baby clothes, new bottles and a boatload of diapers. Within a couple of hours, the rest of my family was home and pizza was delivered. And so the chaos began!
The DSS “Alternate Universe Caregiver Plan” specifically stated that the baby had to be in either mine or my husband’s custody 24/7 and that Jo could not spend the night. Other than that, scheduling “supervised visitation” was our prerogative. John and I had decided that the most important thing for us to do was to create an atmosphere where mother and father could bond with their child with as little upset to our own kids as possible. Oh, and pray for the situation to resolve quickly. Really quickly.
I have known Roxanne for many years because we worked together and met Bebe through her. Actually, they came to a Bible study that I led several years ago. Not everyone who came remained friends, but there are a few of us who really bonded. Bonded as in sitting on the back porch discussing the troubles of the world and giving total acceptance to each other bonding. Which is how I got here. Within moments (literally) of the decision to place the baby (and pretty much his parents) at our home, my phone began buzzing incessantly with the other members of our back porch clan offering to help.
Nay.
“Offering” is too mild a word. As May said on day one, “You are not doing this alone.” These friends showed up at my home everyday and did everything that needed doing. For days – weeks – on end.
Ames picked up SJ every morning and delivered her to school. May picked her up from school and did something fun every afternoon before delivering her home. (She’s spoiled rotten now, by the way.) Mitch came over with a case of toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, paper everything. And then in their free time, each of them (and others) cooked dinner and brought it over EVERY NIGHT. And then cleaned the kitchen. Roxanne came in every evening and took over Ava’s last bottle and got her ready for bed. Bebe came and stayed over on weekends and her days off to do night duty. And Jo came each morning to spend the day – sometimes 12 or 16 hours of the day – with her baby.
One night as there were a dozen people jockeying for food around my kitchen, Roxanne and I joked about our little “commune”. We are a far cry from “Charlie Manson’s Family” with the LSD and swastikas carved in our foreheads. But today, I can say with certainty that they ARE, in fact, my family.
These are truly great friends. I know what you did and what the parents went through. When I was working, a similar situation happened to a co-worker. Somehow the baby’s arm was broken at 3 weeks of age and that child was swooped out of the home. No one was sure how it happened. The couple are really nice people and there is no history of anything. In any case, they had to find someone to “keep” the child, could not spend nights, could not be alone with the child, etc. It was a nightmare. We did what we could at work for the mother so that she could do more for the child’s caretaker. It all turned out all right. The baby is about 3 now without any bruises or other trauma. You are a good person to help out. I remember how frantic mother was trying to find someone who would be the caretaker.
Makes me truly happy that you have these great friends & family in your life. You are blessed to have them as they are blessed to have you too!
Saying we are blessed to have each other is a huge understatement – there isn’t a strong enough word to describe it.
I’m deeply grateful that God brought us together to hold each other up and cheer each other on. I am forever changed (for the better!).
I too am forever changed. There are not no words to describe how grateful I am for what you and John did for my little family. We are all better people because of it. To other amazing people in my life, Roxanne, Ames, May and Mitch….and I can’t leave out my Making Peace friends….I love you all so much.– Bebe
Hooray! Very inspiring!
You, your family, and your extended “family” are truly amazing RHBs (Real Human Beings), and truly blessed to have each other. You seem to live your life by example and I hope your children will some day follow in your footsteps as as blessed as you are.
How wonderful! Praying that the situation does, indeed, resolve very quickly!
Pingback: Oh look. Mommy’s crying. Again. « psychodynamom